1.Kids who try to grow up and the parents who try to stop them
The main theme for the second episode of our 2019 season was #CollegeAdmissionScandal.
We talked about the sweeping college admissions bribery scandal that recently came to light. 33 parents/guardians—including two famous actresses (Lori Loughlin and Felicity Huffman)—were indicted for, among other things, bribing college entrance exam administrators and sports coaches in order to get their children into top-tier universities. Public response has been varied: some have criticized the American college system itself, while others have defended the parents by arguing that any parent would do anything and everything in their power in order help their children. To understand why this conspiracy is such a big deal in the U.S. right now, it’s important to know about parent-child relationships in American society.
In Japan and the other rice farming based countries of Monsoon Asia, children have historically been an important source of manpower, tasked with helping the family make ends meet. For that reason, children were cherished, and childishness and innocence were by no means seen as undesirable traits. Meanwhile, in the U.S. and other Western societies, children were wicked, lacking knowledge of the world and morals. American children spend a good part of their adolescence wishing they could just hurry up and become an adult. Parents plant the desire for independence in their young children, and can’t wait for the day when their progeny leave the nest.
Another thing to consider is that in the U.S., the age of adulthood is 18. Graduating high school and entering college is in many ways tantamount to taking that first step into adulthood. (Of course, the legal drinking age is 21.) So college students, fledgling as they are, are nonetheless treated as adults. This is why the idea that a parent would use every possible means to coddle and give their own young adult children an unfair advantage over others is so off-putting for many Americans. To take it one step further, you could say that these parents acted with bad intentions to stifle their children’s growth.
2.Overbearing parents in America
In the U.S., there are a number of labels used to describe overbearing parents. The term “helicopter parent" was coined in the 90s and became widely used in the 2000s to describe the overprotective parents of the so-called millennial generation. Helicopter parents hover in the sky and keeping an eye on their child at all times, ready to swoop in on a moment’s notice if they see the child encounter any difficulties or problems. They also like to make a lot of noise, eager to butt in and have a say in all of their child’s matters. Today the helicopter parent has received an upgrade, and often takes the form of the “drone parent".
Over the past couple of years, the term “lawnmower parent" has achieved widespread usage. A lawnmower parent keeps the path in front of their child clean and well kept, mowing over any obstacles that potentially stand in their path. While a helicopter parent keeps their distance until they are needed, a lawnmower parent is more active, making it a point to stay a few steps in front of their child.
Finally, a very recent addition to this vocabulary is the term “snowplow parent". A snowplow parent is similar to a lawnmower parent in that they proactively remove obstacles from their child’s path. Where they differ is in their heavy-handedness: while a lawnmower is a machine that most families have in their garage, a snowplow is a much more industrial-size endeavor. If we continue along this path, it’s only a matter of time before we start seeing “battle tank parents". Truly, parents are ready to go to war for their kids.
3.“Monster parents" in Japan
By contrast, in Japan, overbearing parents who unleash their wrath upon the faculty of their child’s school are known as “モンスター・ペアレンツ”(monster parents). (Being Japanese, the plural-soundingペアレンツ can refer to both married couples as well as single mothers and single fathers alike.) While American parents utilize industrial tools to reshape roads and terrain by force, Japanese parents try to break down their targets mentally and spiritually, forcing them into giving their child—and only their child—advantages and exceptions. There was once a time when teachers were greatly respected in Japan. However, in recent years, new teachers are often underqualified and underequipped, while parents are becoming more and more well-educated. As a result, the parents talk down to the teachers and hardly show them any respect—and their actions have earned them the label “monster parents”. It’s important to remember that while “monster” can mean “large in size” or refer to a person with a large presence or influence, the word more often evokes ugly, frightening creatures and wicked behavior.
Then there are growing numbers of unmarried adult children who live with their parents; the Japanese refer to them as “parasite singles”. As the word “parasite” suggests, while American children want to get out of the nest as soon as possible, more and more Japanese children are choosing to remain in the nest. This phenomenon of 引きこもり (hikikomori, reclusive adolescents or adults who withdraw from society) is considered a serious social issue.
Parasite Singuru no Jidai (The Age of the Parasite Single) by Yamada Masahiro
The term “parasite single” was coined in 1999 by Japanese sociologist Yamada Masahiro. In this book, Yamada explores the rise of the parasite single and what growing numbers mean for the Japanese economy and society.
Whether it’s the monster parenting or hikikomori, the root cause seems to be overbearing parents—or to put it another way, parents who treat child rearing as a way to gratify their own egos. Their sense of identity as parents becomes tied to the act of stifling their own children. For more insight into the psychology behind this, I recommend the shinsho paperback Schadenfreude: Tanin wo Hikizuriorosu Kaikan by Nakano Nobuko.
Schadenfreude: Tanin wo Hikizuriorosu Kaikan (Schadenfreude: The Joy of Cutting Down Others) by Nakano Nobuko
In the smartphone and social media age, people take perverse pleasure in watching or pointing out when people who are successful make mistakes or are knocked down a peg or two. And that’s not all—they then cut them down and give them a thorough public flogging. Why do people become jealous and envious of others’ success? This book explores that from a neuroscience perspective.
Side note, Asian-American parents—especially Chinese-Americans—who drive their children relentlessly in the pursuit of academic excellence are known in English as “tiger parents". It is the Asian-American equivalent of a 教育ママ (“education mother").
4.Making sure no one loses vs. making sure everyone wins
So far I’ve covered a number of terms used to describe parenting styles—but what about terminology used in respect to the children themselves?
The first thing that comes to mind in Japan is the yutori education policy that was in effect between 1980 and the early 2010s. Yutori education was put forth as a “pressure-free" alternative to tsumekomi education (literally, “cramming" education), with the goal of giving children “room to grow" (yutori means “leeway" or “room"). In practice, that meant a significant reduction of classroom hours and the content of the curriculum. However, the policy ended in failure, and today the term “yutori generation" is a derogatory term for what is considered an oversensitive generation that lacks resilience and likes to make excuses. Japan has traditionally been a country where “the nail that sticks out is hammered down". Children that show above-average ability or talent are not supported by an environment that encourages them to foster their qualities; instead, society works in ways to stifle their uniqueness. Japanese society values the equality of mediocrity over exceptional individuality.
By contrast, in the U.S., the No Child Left Behind Act was passed in 2001, and then replaced by the Every Student Succeeds Act in 2015. Opinion is divided in terms of the impact of these policies. Some have criticized them as giving birth to an “every-child-gets-a-trophy generation". Nevertheless, the wording alone indicates the distinctly American willingness to give everybody a chance.
It seems to me that while Japanese society strives to make sure that there are no losers, American society is focused on making sure that everyone feels like a winner. To put in another way, in Japan the bar has been lowered to prevent children from failing, whereas children in America are bombarded with the idea that they are special and that great success is within our grasp. Both approaches have their pros and cons, and it is impossible to come to a judgment on which is better given the wildly different histories and social environments of both societies. In Japan, people hate on those with ability, and those whose effort and dedication puts them to shame. They cut them down and enjoy the process. Meanwhile, in the U.S., the culture is one where people have respect for those who are successful. (OK, maybe that doesn’t hold as true as it once was.) In any case, children eventually become adults, and every adult is eventually awoken to reality. In order to ensure that the awakening does not knock a child for a loop, it should be the job of parents to instill and build their resilience.
The Upside of Stress by Kelly McGonigal
We live in a world where it often seems to us that stress is the root of all our problems, bot in daily life and at work. This book, however, questions that assumption and argues the importance of accepting stress and learning to coexist with it.
5.My Wardrobe This Week
Pink chinos by Brooks Brothers
Red Braided Leather-Trim Belt by Brooks Brothers
Gray ribbed socks by Tabio
Cufflinks by MFYS
Gray jacket by Brooks Brothers
Pink button down shirt by Difference
"Reims" loafers by Paraboot
6.Epilogue: Notes From My Stylist Scarlet on This Ensemble
For the second taping of the 2019 season of the show, I put together an ensemble with a fresh, spring-like feel.
The centerpiece of the outfit is a beautiful pink pair of chinos from the Brooks Brothers flagship on Aoyama-dori.
Being cherry blossom season, I also chose a pink button down shirt for a pink look overall.
I’m still trying to get a feel for what kind of look the show’s new MC, Ryoga Haruhi-san, normally wears, so I picked a gray jacket and gray socks so that KAZOO wouldn’t stand out too much.
Normally button down shirts have barrel cuffs—either round or square, with buttons—but KAZOO likes to get his with French cuffs. And lately he’s been adding to his collection of cufflinks for the show.
Also, I chose a red cotton belt to strike a balance between the pink shirt and pink trousers. Unfortunately, KAZOO and the others on the show are basically seated the entire time, so the belt remained hidden—but I plan to use it again sometime in the future.
And again, I was overjoyed to see a full-body shot of KAZOO wearing his gray checkered double-breasted suit in his interview with Colin Farrell.
